People seem to be absolutely loving Noita right now, so I thought I’d go ahead and write up this handy guide for you to get the best possible start in Noita! I should mention, that this guide will contain very minor spoilers, so if that isn’t what you’re looking for, go play the game some more and come back later!
First things first, you need to have the ability to get up the cliff above the cave, and on top of and over the tree that is to the left of the player’s spawn point. By far the easiest and quickest way to do this is to restart your game until you’re rewarded with a mud potion. If you spray this at any wall you want to climb, it will create small ledges that you can stand on and regain stamina.
Once that is done, you need to acquire any of the Emerald Tablets. The easiest ones to get at the start would be, the tablet to the left of the lava lake, which is located at the bottom of the mines and to the right. Seeing as you can get on top of the cliff above the cave, you can run all the way to the right and grab the tablet on top of the pyramid. There is also an orb here, if you haven’t collected it yet it will unlock the Earthquake spell, a dangerous spell as it can kill you, but also quite effective for killing enemies. There is one more tablet you can get right at the start, but you need a way to destroy stone. A basic spark bolt starting wand will work but it will be slow and tedious (though still quicker than running to the pyramid). Once on top of the cliff above the cave at spawn, move right until you’re on top of the mountain of snow. Now just levitate up and you will see the orb and tablet above you. If you haven’t collected this orb before it will award you the sea of lava spell which will spawn a lot of lava directly underneath you, not to be used unless you know what you’re doing! If you’ve collected these orbs before, they will give you an extra max health pickup upon collection.
Now that you have a mud potion, or another way to climb over the tree, such as a levitatium potion and also an Emerald Tablet, climb up on top of the tree, and fall on the left side. When you start running to the left, you will see a pillar-like object, which can sometimes be buried in snow, you need to grab the eye that it is holding. Once you have it continue running left through the field of snow for quite some time. Be careful because sometimes enemies can spawn on the overworld, so always be ready to fight. Eventually, you will arrive at a large chasm. If you just pulse your levitate key while continuing to move left, you will easily make it across. Beware of the bridge beneath you as it tends to break, however even if you do run out of levitate, you’ll still easily make it across. Continue running left and then jump off the cliff.
You should now be standing on top of a quite lovely house next to the lake. Before the next step, I will warn you that you need to move fast and be ready to potentially avoid a strong attack. You need to throw the emerald tablet into the house, which will cause a bright green portal to open which will close after a short period of time so you need to act fast. Jump in, jump up and grab the wand in the centre of the room then run back to the portal, being careful not to get hit by the alchemist. Congratulations, you’ve just stolen the experimental wand from a poor innocent alchemist! This thing packs a punch too, shooting 5 giant spitter bolts in quick succession, each hitting for 15 damage. That’s 75 damage if you hit all your shots!
Now I hope you’re ready for a long trek, as you now need to walk all the way to the literal other end of the world. Be careful when you fall down on the right side of the tree, a lot of monsters that shoot balls of acid will have spawned and can kill you immediately. To avoid this, I advise that you pulse levitate as you move right from the tree to land at a safe distance from them.
Once you eventually reach spawn, climb up the cliff and continue running towards the right until you reach the EDR (extremely dense rock). Climb up the wall using the many cavities in it and you’ll reach a room known as ‘???’. Here, you need to pull out your eyeball item and use the laser beam that it shoots to dig through the side of the strange object in the centre of the room. This may take a few minutes, and be careful not to accidentally click and throw the eyeball, as the laser beam it shoots can and probably will kill you very quickly. Once you’re inside you’ll find a pickup that looks like a perk called ‘The Essence of Earth’. When you pick this up, slime-balls will continuously shoot out of you in all directions, which will damage you if you’re standing on the ground. To avoid this, just time your jumps so that you’re in the air every time they shoot. Now you need to walk left again until you reach the small blue orb surrounded by two pillars. Destroy the orb and you’ll be cured of the curse of damaging yourself just by standing on solid ground!
This will also cause the Earth Stone to spawn where the blue orb-like light was. When you hold this stone, the environment around you will turn to dirt, making it very easy to get through any walls you’d like. Be careful though, because if it’s in your inventory (meaning you don’t need to be holding it), it will make your kicks cause earthquakes which could end up killing you instantly. With the Earth Stone, head back to the ??? room and dig directly above the thing in the middle of the room. Now dig diagonally up and left switching between the Earth Stone and the eyeball.
You’ll finally reach a large square room entirely filled with gold dust. If you collect every single pixel, you’ll end up with around 258,000 gold! I know that sounds too good to be true, but I promise you this is real! Once you’re finished Scrooge Mcducking your way through all the gold, you can head back to spawn and begin you’re run with a major boost.
I hope you’ve found this helpful and perhaps it will even help some of you to get you’re very first god run! Be sure to check out my Noita live streams over at https://www.twitch.tv/smashthenarrator where I stream my many failed attempts at what is currently my favourite roguelike!
